Day && Night

I will never understand why daytime and nighttime make problems look so different; in this case – worse.

I mean, at night when I’m home, I feel like it’s completely possible to become a good professional dancer. But then during the day, when I’m at the studio, it feels like to stupidest dream.

I’m sure part of it has to do with being around people younger than me who are better than me, and then being envious of the little kids who have already gotten an early start. I suppose its only natural to be filled with self-doubt in my situation.

I heard some of the more advanced (though younger) girls talking today about our guest teacher and how she makes them feel like a bad dancer and how it gets to them. I’m just thinking, you have NOOOO idea. Because so far, the only people who really know anything about anything (besides whoever may read this blog) are my parents. I haven’t told anyone at the studio that I’m actually seriously considering trying to be a professional.

I just don’t think its fair that you shouldn’t be able to achieve success just because you started late. I know life isn’t fair, but that just seems unreasonable.

Again, I’ll just have to talk to my studio director about it. I want to be dancing as much as possible this year, so I can make as much improvement as possible. I need to cram 2 years of experience into 1. I’ll have to see.

But on another note, I re-subscribed to pointe magazine yesterday. I missed reading it – especially now that I’ve become seriously interested in ballet again. Also, SCAD camp is in about 3 weeks. My mom said I had to wait until after that camp to talk to my studio director and make a decision about dance and SCAD. She wants me to spend some time on the campus first. Who knows?? Doing that may make my decision a whole lot easier.

But I need to get my inspiring quotes put up around the house so I can remember to stay positive. Otherwise I’m going to drive myself crazy with all this self-doubt!!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jaime Straus
    Sep 03, 2010 @ 16:12:37

    Just stumbled upon your blog and I’m slowly catching up…I just wanted to say that I hate that age makes you feel so far behind :( I went to beauty school a few years after I graduated from college and was 24 in a class of 16-18 year olds. Even though we were all starting at the beginning together, I still felt so old! But you know what? In the end I graduated, got my license, and was able to pursue my passion – I haven’t spoken to any of the people I was in school with since then which is totally fine with me, I wasn’t there for them, I was there to learn how to do what I loved, as are you. Don’t worry about those little 6th graders, just because they all got started before you doesn’t guarantee that they will be successful or even good dancers! Try to enjoy the process for yourself. I’m rooting for you!


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