first day back and already feeling like this??

I don’t know why but today I am just feeling really depressed about ballet. I don’t know if it’s because its my first day back after a week break or the looming reality of all this, but my dream is feeling unattainable and impossible.

I know that’s not true. But I guess, suddenly, I’m realizing how much work it will take for me to achieve my dream. I feel like I need private lessons. Group classes do not address my needs properly.

I don’t know. I have to figure out when I’m going to talk to my studio director and go from there. I’m sure he will have plenty of advice. I’m just afraid that when I talk to him, he’s going to shut me down and tell me its impossible. That would kill me.

I know I can do this. I just need some help from other people. Obviously, I can’t teach myself well enough. And I need to have a more intense schedule. Only dancing twice a week won’t cut it.

The main thing I’m nervous about is pointe. I don’t understand why it seems to be so hard for me, and then for others, it’s as natural as walking. We’re supposed to be going to Columbia this weekend to get new pointe shoes, so maybe that will help.

Blah. Don’t you just hate the unknowns in life??
But right now I need to try my hardest to keep a positive attitude. There’s nothing more crippling than a defeatist attitude.

But I’ll just have to see what this year brings.


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