I’m glad that’s Over??

So I had my meeting with my director today to discuss everything. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I feel like that wasn’t it.

I feel more encouraged about taking more classes this year, but as far as everything else goes…I don’t know.

I mean for starters, he said he didn’t see any natural talent in me. Part of me feels like, well how can you tell when I’m only dancing twice a week and doing easy stuff?? Like, I feel like I have potential to be talented, but I haven’t been challenged enough so far to see if anything’s there. But I don’t know. Maybe he’s right. He’s been a dancer for quite a long time. I suppose he’d recognize talent. He says, right now “I have chosen dance, dance has not chosen me.”

As for a career and all that, I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not?? It all just depends. He says I don’t have a ballet body, which is fine. Seriously, how many people do?? That doesn’t really bother me. But I want to get into a pre-professional program. And I feel like if I work hard enough this year, I can. He’s supposed to give me the contact information for a private teacher. Maybe I’ll be able to show him that I really can do this.

I don’t know. I feel like his prognosis was probably a little grim. I feel like he didn’t answer everything…even though I don’t know what’s left to ask.

Blah.

I guess I’m just feeling a little confused right now. Like, if I don’t pursue dance, what else is there for me to do?? There’s nothing I’m interested in. I’m open to trying other kinds of dance, like maybe trying to get into a modern company. I guess it’s just a waiting game, a work hard and wait game.

I’m just half and half right now. Half of me feels like I’m better off going to college and getting a normal degree in a field where you can actually make money. And the other part of me just wants to dance. It’s very conflicting. I feel like I could be good enough to get into a local company that’s not as picky, where I would still get paid.

I don’t know what I want anymore.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. CINDY ASHLEY MILLER
    Aug 07, 2010 @ 17:58:19

    Hunnnnn…If i had listened to all of the nay-sayers throughout my college and Law School career, i would not have accomplished ANYTHING…

    Just be the best u can b…practice as much as u can…knock on tons of doors…and as time goes by, u will be surprised how much u have accomplished.

    Reply

  2. emilleejoyce
    Aug 07, 2010 @ 18:00:15

    Thanks :)

    Reply

  3. Kristina
    Aug 08, 2010 @ 17:40:33

    Remind yourself all of the time that no one (in that world) is going to believe in you, therefore; you must be your own motivator. You can take no motivation from your peers or directors, it must come from yourself. I say this because, if anything else, the dance world is too set in its old ways to accept the radical venture you’re trying to accomplish. You are, unfortunately, alone. As you begin to accept that, you’ll draw incredible strength from it. Furthermore, don’t think of having another career like a “normal” person is such a failure. Remember that many professional teachers are something completely different during different hours of their day. For example, my old dance instructor is training for dentistry, she still dances all of the time. I, myself, am at ASU studying pre-veterinary biology, hold a job three days a week at Martinez Animal Hospital as a certified Vet -Tech, and I am a fully paid competition and recreational instructor for Martinez-Evans Dance Studio. I only started dance when I was 15, and didn’t compete till I was 16, and I am now 19 going on 20 in December. Just want whatever you wish, and go for it with everything you’ve got. It’s that simple and you have many options. If you would like me to tell you how horrible it was for me to claw my way to the top of my old studio…I’ll gladly share it with you because it’s gonna be what you’ll have to do. It sucks major ass. But! It’s possible.
    -Kristina Vetter

    Reply

  4. emilleejoyce
    Aug 08, 2010 @ 19:17:37

    I had no idea you started that late. I thought you started as a kid like other people. Right now I’m leaning more towards dancing recreationally instead of trying to become a professional. I think I would enjoy it more that way. Or I might try modern. I don’t know. I’m still majorly undecided.

    I didn’t know you worked at Martinez-Evans either. That’s where I started dancing, but the competition scene wasn’t really my thing.

    Reply

  5. Kristina
    Aug 09, 2010 @ 17:14:28

    The competition scene is intense, and I HIGHLY recommend trying out modern dance. It’s a great experience, and a challenge that I think you would enjoy. Modern is my specialty. And, I didn’t get my job until a month ago. So I wouldn’t have known you as a member of the company, especially since it’s now under new management, hence, my new job. I’ve read you quote Martha Graham, and I think maybe you would enjoy reading more about her…she’s incredibly inspiring. Keep reading, keep inspiring yourself, keep doing whatever it is you want to do. People suck, don’t listen to them. I’m sure Marilyn Manson has told you that in so many words in, i’m sure, one of his songs. You have my Facebook, hit me up if you feel horrid.

    Reply

  6. emilleejoyce
    Aug 09, 2010 @ 19:21:09

    Haha okay, I will.

    I’m interested in modern because the body type regulations aren’t as strict as ballet, since apparently I don’t have a ballet body. And I DO love a challenge. Do you know any good modern schools here?? I’ve heard Augusta West teaches modern but I can’t find anywhere that does.

    And I’ll look up some more stuff on martha graham. She is VERY inspiring.

    Reply

  7. Kristina
    Aug 10, 2010 @ 15:59:20

    Modern is just really fun. Umm, I would say that Augusta West is a well-known and very accomplished company. I would definitely recommend it for modern. I knew a lot of awesome dancers that came out of there. Including a girl that placed third on So You Think You Can Dance, she’s older than you and would’ve graduated from Evans a year before you even attended. But, her name is Katherine McCormick? Maybe you’ve heard of her.

    Reply

    • emilleejoyce
      Aug 10, 2010 @ 21:18:42

      Yeah I’ve heard of her. Though I learned about Augusta west from my sister. Their website’s not wiling though so I haven’t been able to research them anymore.

      Reply

  8. Trackback: I’m back…and better!! :) « The Belated Ballerina

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