Conflicted

You know, part of me still hasn’t given up on my dream – to be a professional dancer.

I want to go to school at Ohio State. It’s in Columbus. You know what else is in Columbus?? BalletMet. One of the places I wanted to audition for the preprofessional program.

I still want to dance while I’m in college, but I feel like a part of me will never be content with just dancing recreationally.

I still want to be a professional dancer. But I also want to go to college and get a degree and all that. But part of me feels like I’m giving up by not trying to pursue a dance a career. But really…how realistic is that??

I just feel so angry sometimes at the way things have turned out. Like, why couldn’t I have started ballet earlier?? Why couldn’t I have taken more classes and gotten better faster?? Why am I talented at music and art but apparently not talented at dance?? I don’t understand.

I just want to partner and be good at pointe and be flexible and do all of that. Why is it so hard?? Why do I have to make this decision??

I’m getting ready to go to college next year. I say that I’m planning on majoring in arabic and minoring in turkish so that I can get a job in international affairs. But I don’t know if that will make me happy. I don’t know what I want.

Because half of me loves dance, and wants to be a professional. But the other half doubts if I’m really committed, and thinks trying to pursue a professional career is a waste of time and money.

I just want to be happy, but right now I don’t know what choice will make me happy. I wish I had someone who could give me advice about this but it really feels like no one is on my side.

I really wished I believed in a personal god, so that way I could have someone all knowing counsel me.

Any advice??

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. classicalballetteacher
    Aug 31, 2010 @ 16:54:06

    I know it’s not much consolation dear, but most young adults struggle terribly during high school and college with what path to choose for their life. Of course its a bit tougher for someone who is interested in something that has such an accelerated time frame as ballet.

    Dance seems to be an important part of your life that is worth holding onto for you, but there is so much more to the world. There is no reason you can’t dance in college while you explore these other avenues. If you really aspire to a pro career, as a late starter you can really benefit from a quality college dance program anyway. You can major in both dance and in Arabic at the same time, so why not expand your horizons and do so? In the meantime, maybe see if you can take the SI (summer intensive) at BalletMet in 2011.

    Reply

    • emilleejoyce
      Sep 03, 2010 @ 16:38:42

      Yes. I have been thinking about trying to get in to the summer intensive at balletmet. But I don’t know if I can or if my parents will let me. I have yet to broach the topic with them!!

      Reply

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