Nutcracker’s Over (Yay)

So this afternoon, we had our Nutcracker performance.
I’m glad to be done with the Nutcracker.

Performing is one of the few things I still like about ballet. It’s fun to get all made up in to different characters.

But it’s really bittersweet for me.

Because I watch all the more advanced dancers and just feel sad. Sad because I feel like I’ve been denied the opportunity to ever be that good. Because I started ballet too late, because I’m not talented enough, because I’m going to college next year.

I can’t decide what I feel about ballet. I still really want to get better. At warm up this afternoon, I got like perfect double pirouettes, on my left side – and it felt amazing. I still want to keep doing ballet so that I can dance in the waltz of the flowers and in marzipan and all that.

But I can’t.

Because I’m going to college next year and I’m too old. What’s the point of continuing?? It just doesn’t seem fair. All of those other girls my age could be professionals if they wanted to, but none of them do. And then me,who wants it so badly, can’t because I’m not good enough.

And I’m just tired. Tired of always watching everybody else and being jealous of the fact that I’ll probably never be that good. Jealous of all the opportunities they’ve had that I’ll never get.

But Nutcracker’s over. And I did good I think. I got flowers from my parents. And my sister came to see me. We went out to eat afterwards, and I got lemon cake.

But really…what’s the point??

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