Made: Ballerina

Right now, I’m watching a show called Made on MTV, where people have a coach who tries to “make” them into something. And in the episode I’m watching now, the girl is trying to become a ballerina.

It reminds me of when I first started ballet, and it also makes me realize, that I’m not as suck-y of a dancer as I thought I was. I mean, dancers are always known for being self-critical, but I feel like a lot of times I’m harder on myself than most because I started late and I feel like I have to “catch-up.”

This show is reminding me how much I love ballet. I haven’t been thinking about it much because I’ve been worrying about college. I wish I could’ve done ballet over the summer, but we need to save money. Which makes me even more anxious to get into college and start my modern class. I have absolutely convinced myself that modern is the dance style that is a perfect fit for me.

Hopefully, once I get into class and see how I like it, I can talk to my teacher about maybe auditioning for the dance department?? I don’t know. The one main issue keeping me from 100% saying I want to major in dance is money – and getting a job after graduation. My parents have estimated my monthly payment to be around $1,000 when I graduate. Add that to a $1,000 apartment bill and there goes most undergrads’ salary.

I’m honestly think I’m probably putting the cart before the horse with college. I think I just need to relax and wait until I get into college, and get into my classes and then take things from there. I just have this sense of urgency. How am I supposed to figure out what I want to do in 4 years?? And if I major in dance, how am I supposed to get my technique where it needs to be in 4 years?? And how am I supposed to afford all this??

Ugh. As I have said countless times before, I hate unknowns.

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