I miss Ballet!!

Modern is a fun class, but every time I’m there I wish it was ballet.

I miss ballet so much. I put on my pointe shoes and dance in my dorm room, but then I’m frustrated because I haven’t made any progress (because I haven’t done ballet in close to 6 months). It’s like this ache deep inside of me, this feeling of jumping out of my skin, I have to get back to ballet!!

I’m not going to sit here and say modern is easy for me, but it doesn’t provide a challenge like ballet does. Modern is too natural. Dancing in bare feet, rolling on the floor – while it’s difficult to coordinate my body movements, the actions in and of themselves are normal. I dance in bare feet everyday. I don’t dance in pointe shoes. Ballet is a challenge because it is so unnatural.

I want to get back to ballet class so badly. I suppose I could give my own class in my dorm room, but really?? I’ll never any serious improvement like that.

I’m just wondering how I would fit ballet into my busy college schedule. Most of the dance classes offered by OSU I can’t take because their hours conflict with my academic classes. And I really want to go to BalletMet, but that costs extra money, plus the time lost in the commute by bus.

I suppose where there’s a will there’s a way, but right now it just seems so impossibly unreachable. I want to desperately improve my ability on pointe. I don’t want to be a professional dancer anymore, but I want to be on their level (or close to it). I want being on pointe to feel as natural as being barefoot.

I long so much to be back in ballet class. Part of me wishes I had stayed home and gone to the community college so I could still keep attending my home studio. That is how much I miss ballet (because if you know me, you know I swore I’d never go to ASU).

If I decide to make this work, it’ll take some serious planning and time management on my part. And it will take serious dedication as well, because it won’t be easy. For the first time in a long time, I actually have homework – and a lot of it. I guess I could do homework on the 20-30 minute commute it takes to get to BalletMet.

But then there’s money. As a college student BalletMet offers adult classes at $7 per class. That’s not outrageous – but it adds up. I obviously cannot afford to go to school fulltime, dance, and have a job – so my parents would have to pay for it. Hm. I hate adding on more expenses to my college. But is there any other way??

I guess I’ll figure it out. But I just don’t know how much longer I can go without ballet.

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Ballet in College

So all along, I have been planning on dancing in college. Even if I didn’t major in it in college, I was planning on continuing my education. But now I’m not so sure.

I mean, when I go off to college, it’s going to be a whole new experience. Who knows how busy I’ll be??

And recently I’ve got this opera bug in me, and if I were to major in that, or any kind of music, I definitely wouldn’t have time for ballet.

Part of me feels like there’s no point in continuing with ballet, because a professional career is unlikely. But the other part of me doesn’t want to quit until I feel I’ve become proficient in ballet (like learning how to partner and all that).

I just don’t know.

My parents say this opera bug is a passing phase, but who knows?? I can never make up my mind about anything. I just like performing, and in opera you don’t have to start training as early as you do in ballet. I still have time. But again, who knows??

I’m also thinking from the practical side. If I dance where I want to in college (BalletMet), it could cost up to $3,000 a year!! Add that on to college funds, and you’ve got some serious debt. Maybe that money could be spent in a better way??

I don’t know.

I would like to start taking voice lessons now, but I don’t know if my parents would let me, what with all the financial and time constraints ballet has put on me.

I just have a lot to think about between now and college.

Company Roster

So we got a phone call today announcing that company rosters are going up (online) and rehearsal schedules are being emailed and woohoo. Guess what?? They left my name off the list. Why does this not surprise me??

Hopefully they’ll get it put on there. If not…guess we gotta make a phone call.

But summer intensive starts in about 4 days. I’m ready for it to start. I’m so bored with summer.

But anyways….when I went online to check the roster, I started reading some of the bios of the other dancers….and it just makes me sad. All of the girls my age started dancing when they were itty bitty babies. A lot of people want to become professional dancers…which makes me feel like an idiot for wanting to be one too (because I’m so inexperienced). This age thing is a serious hindrance.

I also found out there’s 5 levels in the company instead of 4…which means finishing up my training there will take an extra year. Usually that wouldn’t be such a big deal…but I’m on a time crunch here. I can’t help feeling like my clock is ticking way too fast.

*sigh*
This is gonna be hard.